Find Your Center - (NPC)

[Asako Saburo]

Saburo had requested time with Asako Himeya and received it, for personalized training. Considering that she was one of the two who had insight into the mysteries of the void, one of the few mysterious Ishiken, he could think of nobody more suited to ask for assistance in finally breaking past his limitations in the field of Meditation. So, he waited quietly for the woman to arrive at the appointed hour, cleansed and ready early for the day.

He hadn't tried meditating at dawn. Maybe that would help? Honestly, he'd try anything at this point.

[Vutall]

"Good morning, Asako-san. Trying to gain some insight before todays lesson with Kitsuki-san?"

[Asako Saburo]

He returned the Asako's bow and sighed. There was little point in hiding his disappointment with prior centering attempts. It had been a sticking point and his most consistent failure in coming to this program, so it was definitely nettling his every fiber. "I will confess that Kitsuki-sama's lesson is on my mind, yes. But it is ... deeper than that for me, Asako-sama. I should be able to clear my mind more efficiently than I do, should be able to find my center more easily. It is part of the teachings we both went through. I've been... frustrated with my performance in this, so I appreciate your willingness to assist."

[Vutall]

She tilts her head a little and looks at the boy.

"Hmm. I am happy to assist...but perhaps the fact you are already feeling this way is why you are having difficulty. It is a loop, constantly feeding itself. You do poorly, which makes you feel this way, and you feel this way, which make you do poorly."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Simply put...You are trying too hard."

[Asako Saburo]

"I..."

He blinked and stared at the Asako with a look of almost stupefication. The very idea of 'trying too hard' did not appear to have entered his vocabulary at any point. Meditation was a skill that could be learned, developed, trained, like any other. Spellcasting was a gift that could be grown, nurtured, developed and studied. Even Ishiken had to study, did they not?

But he stopped short of saying that. He was speaking to an accomplished Ishiken right now. She was almost certainly one of the Adepts who presided underneath the Master of Void, to be an honored sensei of the Ruby Champion. If she said he might be trying too hard, then he probably was. "I do not understand. All of my life, I have been spending trying to overcome the limitations of a weakened body, to get myself just to the level of those who were completing their studies years ahead of me. I... do not understand how one can try too hard to meditate, Asako-sama."

Yeah, he was definitely trying too hard.

[Vutall]

"Meditation is the art of letting go, Asako-san. Clearing yourself of worldly burdens. Easing the pains of your body from your mind. The struggles of conscious thought. It is about forgetting that which constrains you. How can you do that if you instead are constantly fighting?"

[Asako Saburo]

"..."

Ok, that did make a certain amount of sense. The harder he tried, the more often it seemed to slip through his fingers. That was always what seemed to happen. The trick was that he actually had to let go of ... something that had been driving him for almost a decade in his young life. That was going to be...

"This will not exactly be easy for me to do, Asako-sama, but I'm going to try to do what you've recommended. Do you have any suggestions on how to do that?" How to empty himself? How did he even do that? His brain didn't like to shut off.

[Vutall]

"You could try a number of methods. One I suggest to those who struggle is to focus on your breathing, and when you have a thought pop into your head, follow it to its conclusion, then go back to focusing on breathing. Eventually you will come to a point where all that is in your mind is your breaths."

[Asako Saburo]

Hmmm. That... yes, that was a thought. He could focus in on his breathing couldn't he? Nodding once, he settled himself down and into position. "I believe that I might be able to do that. And I will try to still each thought about how I am not doing it 'right' that comes unbidden into my mind. That is... almost certainly not helping things. Thank you." Taking a lotus position, he began to try to clear his mind, choosing instead to allow the thoughts that were in there to move, and move, and then... settle.

Kokyou being an annoying piece of shit was out of his mind, and he was breathing, and he was breathing.
The worries about the fact that he was certain that he heard a rattling in that last breath were calmed as he reminded himself that he wasn't coughing, and he was breathing...
Trying to figure out why the Toritaka kept looking flushed every time they talked was chalked up to not being important and perhaps being worthy of a discussion with a mendicant again another day, and he was breathing... and he was breathing...

Gradually, his shoulders started to slacken, slowly, very slowly...

[Vutall]

The sensei just observes for now.

[Asako Saburo]

It was going to take time. And, at the very least, he did not appear to be falling asleep like some of the students, though honestly? That might have been a good sign that he'd finally relaxed and unclenched for the first time in a decade. But he was getting there, gradually and slowly easing into position as each worry began to wash away.

It was... perhaps, going to take almost the entire session to get to that point. The boy had a lot of thoughts in his head, but he was getting there slowly but surely. Every once in a while, he stiffened, his eyebrows knotting, and then he seemed to think about something and started to settle again. It happened less and less frequently with longer intervals as time went on.