Bayushi Jiro-kun,
I am full of eagerness to call you Hiro-kun. I had thought maybe 'Tomo-kun', but I confess there is a Asahina here named Tomoyo whom everyone calls Tomo-chan and I would not want to slip and insult you because of being so used to saying the other. The embarrassment that would cause is too much too think about!
I must also apologize for letting this response sit so long. Your words of encouragement for my marriage only felt like sand on an open cut when they first arrived, though I know they were not meant that way. It was my fault for the perception, as well. I let doubt cloud my mind and I should not have. You were right to believe I had nothing to worry about.
Last year, a distant cousin of mine within the Otomo who was named Meiriko by her parents, told me of the trials of her own sister and cousin who had been married out of family. Part of their terms were that they were not to produce any heirs. She said it was because the touch of the divine that ran through them from twelve generations ago could not be allowed to thin further. I asked my father in a letter recently, following an update on the current status of my own negotiations, if that was why it had taken so long to find me a betrothed and why four nakodos had to be called on my behalf.
He wrote back aghast at the idea! And apologized to
me for making me worry so! It has not been our bloodline that has been the stumbling block, but my father himself! Unknown to me, prior to Hirosaka, all who had an interest were swiftly rejected because my father did not feel I had shown enough interest in return. The nakodo, he said, told him that I was 'too difficult to get a read on' despite having always been honest with my answers! I do not understand that at all. But he has taken that to mean I simply showed no interest in the hobbies or pursuits they had suggested that were associated with any of the candidates thus far. Which is entirely untrue! I will, of course, be interested in the hobbies and pursuits of whomever I am betrothed to. And if I have no knowledge of them, I will learn!
This is getting away from me. I am both frustrated at Meiriko for what she caused to stir in me for so long, and relieved that it was merely my doting father's own worries that have caused me due consternation.
For all that it seemed I was having it easy in Hirosaka, Jiro-kun, all I have ever wanted was to be wedded and show that I am capable of being entrusted with the happiness of a home. And I had ever been given the impression there was some failing in me that turned all prospects away. My father never being detailed in his reporting that which ever candidate he'd seen was found unsuitable. And... until Hirosaka, I had no care for whom I was to be wedded to. That has changed, though of course, I would never allow such desire to color my devotion to a chosen spouse.
I am lucky in that regard, however. For my father's dithering all these years has given me the opportunity to have a more direct hand in deciding my own match. He only balks at it for fear of what Khabulak might mean for my future.
I am sorry my own, sudden success in this area, caused you pain and doubt in yourself, Jiro-san. Your beauty outwardly is a blessing and I would not have been hurt had you won out over me in our Kohai's thoughts. That you and Doji-san were both so close as to be named speaks of how mixed their thoughts were. No other category was so contested. And I do not think it all women who put your name down, either. But I have also found that cute boys tend to be shier about speaking their confessions than those who think they have little to lose for the brashness of it.
My offer to you was not merely formality. Had Moto Ichiro-san's family found reason to deny it, or my family not be happy at the idea of me becoming Unicorn, it was the invitation I sent to you I had hoped to see bear some fruit. I know that must sound like you were my second choice, but you were not. Moto-san was my first choice for the selfish wants of the heart, knowing what tragedy could befall us if we blindly attempted to rush forward in the name of love. You were my first choice for a harmonious marriage without worry that I my heart would betray my responsibility to my family. I was not so aware of your tastes when I issued it, but I do no think that it would have been a problem. So long as there was honesty about what was expected. To be married to a friend is as much a blessing as the rare chance to marry one you have come to love. I hope you get that when a spouse is found for you.
This letter grows long and still I haven't even congratulated you on your upcoming position. How rude of me! To have a position being created in recognition of your skills is a honor indeed! That you must formally delay it all until Tsuma is both a shame and a blessing I think. A shame because you cannot tell all others of your accomplishments that are not yet 'official'. And a blessing because as soon as Topaz has concluded for the year, you will already have deeds worth bragging about.
My own private Gempukku is to occur soon and I will be leaving Tsuma to join my father in the Imperial Court. He has been given leave to allow me to shadow him for some time. I expect it is a way of trying to make it up to me for theses years of worry his actions have driven into my heart. I will not dissuade him of the notion. I will be there for some weeks before traveling. And I shall return to Tsuma just before winter begins. I will try to remember to drop your name to every cute boy of the right age and their parents I come across while within the Capitol.
Excited that Topaz draws ever closer and I can see you once more,
Otomo Nobuko
